Scary number

Everybody has a scary number. At least I imagine that they do. Maybe not everyone worries about weight as much as I do. But I have a scary number. I am on my second scary number by the way.

So my first scary number was oh I don't know 100 pounds ago. UGH! I worried about it with Bryan. But thankfully I didn't get near it. I did gain 40 pounds right at the end of my pregnancy. I lost all of that weight by the time I had my 6 week check up. Crisis averted!

Then I got on the depot shot and all hell broke loose. I ate and ate and ate because I was constantly hungry. I was to busy taking care of Bryan to work out the way I did before I got pregnant. And with out those long bike rides I gained a lot of weight. I saw my scary weight come.

I was at my first scary weight when Ethan and I started dating. I wasn't happy but it wasn't bad. especially now when I would kill to go back to that weight! Slowly over the years, just a few pounds at a time, I left my old scary number in the dust and have been heading towards my new scary number.

I was worried that I would go up to and right on over that number while I was pregnant with Wyatt. Some how I lost weight instead of gained weight while I was pregnant. I lost even more weight after Wyatt was born and more with breastfeeding. It takes a lot of calories to make milk. And the weight was just falling off. Then something happened to my supply. I still don't know what. Now I make barely enough milk to burn off a twinkie. UGH!

So I have reached the scary number. I am not happy ... not happy at all. I am more then a little bit uncomfortable. Nothing I own fits well except the clothes I wore during my second trimester. You know when you are bloaty and pudgy and just to big for your regular clothes but not ready for maternity clothes. I am having trouble doing regular things. Daily stuff sucks. Work sucks. *sigh*

I want to have another baby soon. And I just can not go into another pregnancy at this weight. I managed to fly under the radar last time. I am not sure I can pull that off again. I don't want anything bad to happen to me or to a baby. At the very least I want to get my eating habits under control now so that when I get pregnant again it is not a big change. Because I have to do better while pregnant. I did it with Wyatt. So I will do it again.

Now I just have to actually do something about it. I have the items to work out. I just don't do it. Which is stupid. I am thinking about doing Weight Watchers again. I don't know why I can't get on the plan and stay on the plan. I am thinking about doing the online program. Maybe it will help to keep my motivated.

What ever I do I have to do something. NOW! It is to important. Now to figure out how to get it done.