Everybody has a scary number. At least I imagine that they do. Maybe not everyone worries about weight as much as I do. But I have a scary number. I am on my second scary number by the way.
So my first scary number was oh I don't know 100 pounds ago. UGH! I worried about it with Bryan. But thankfully I didn't get near it. I did gain 40 pounds right at the end of my pregnancy. I lost all of that weight by the time I had my 6 week check up. Crisis averted!
Then I got on the depot shot and all hell broke loose. I ate and ate and ate because I was constantly hungry. I was to busy taking care of Bryan to work out the way I did before I got pregnant. And with out those long bike rides I gained a lot of weight. I saw my scary weight come.
I was at my first scary weight when Ethan and I started dating. I wasn't happy but it wasn't bad. especially now when I would kill to go back to that weight! Slowly over the years, just a few pounds at a time, I left my old scary number in the dust and have been heading towards my new scary number.
I was worried that I would go up to and right on over that number while I was pregnant with Wyatt. Some how I lost weight instead of gained weight while I was pregnant. I lost even more weight after Wyatt was born and more with breastfeeding. It takes a lot of calories to make milk. And the weight was just falling off. Then something happened to my supply. I still don't know what. Now I make barely enough milk to burn off a twinkie. UGH!
So I have reached the scary number. I am not happy ... not happy at all. I am more then a little bit uncomfortable. Nothing I own fits well except the clothes I wore during my second trimester. You know when you are bloaty and pudgy and just to big for your regular clothes but not ready for maternity clothes. I am having trouble doing regular things. Daily stuff sucks. Work sucks. *sigh*
I want to have another baby soon. And I just can not go into another pregnancy at this weight. I managed to fly under the radar last time. I am not sure I can pull that off again. I don't want anything bad to happen to me or to a baby. At the very least I want to get my eating habits under control now so that when I get pregnant again it is not a big change. Because I have to do better while pregnant. I did it with Wyatt. So I will do it again.
Now I just have to actually do something about it. I have the items to work out. I just don't do it. Which is stupid. I am thinking about doing Weight Watchers again. I don't know why I can't get on the plan and stay on the plan. I am thinking about doing the online program. Maybe it will help to keep my motivated.
What ever I do I have to do something. NOW! It is to important. Now to figure out how to get it done.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
No jammies for me
Sad and embarrassing day. I bought 2 pairs of pajama pants last night. They were on a clearance rack. Only $7 per pair. I should have known it was to good to be true. Maybe there was a reason they were on clearance. Maybe they are not really the size they claim to be. Or maybe I just have a fat belly and need to get real with myself. *sigh*
What ever the reason the pants don't fit. Both pairs are tight. I get them to my butt and think oh crap. I yank them up and over my belly. They sausage over my middle section. I am definitely one of those people who carries a lot of her weight in the belly. You know the kind that is most likely to kill you. Oh great! UGH!
I can't decide if I want to return the pants. Or keep them as inspiration. Or just give them away to the 9 month pregnant girl at work. They will probably fit her better then they do me. Ugh! For now they sit on the kitchen table mocking me. Until I get around to cleaning off the kitchen table later.
I have four days off from work now. I love my long weekends! So hopefully I can spend some time planning healthy meals and doing my walking videos. And pumping milk! I swear breast milk making is the best diet. To bad I only make a few ounces a day now. *sigh*
What ever the reason the pants don't fit. Both pairs are tight. I get them to my butt and think oh crap. I yank them up and over my belly. They sausage over my middle section. I am definitely one of those people who carries a lot of her weight in the belly. You know the kind that is most likely to kill you. Oh great! UGH!
I can't decide if I want to return the pants. Or keep them as inspiration. Or just give them away to the 9 month pregnant girl at work. They will probably fit her better then they do me. Ugh! For now they sit on the kitchen table mocking me. Until I get around to cleaning off the kitchen table later.
I have four days off from work now. I love my long weekends! So hopefully I can spend some time planning healthy meals and doing my walking videos. And pumping milk! I swear breast milk making is the best diet. To bad I only make a few ounces a day now. *sigh*
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Walk
I started Walking Away the Pounds the other day. It is a work out video series. It sounds silly. You walk ... at home ... in your living room. What is wrong with going outside and walking you say? Outside is below zero! Outside the snow is up to my butt! Outside if I get tired there is no place to sit down and rest but a snow bank. And those are cold.
I could go to the gym. But gym memberships cost money and what would I do with the baby? We don't even take him to a daycare so that we can work. Why would I take him to the gym's "daycare" so I can go walk on a treadmill? INSIDE!
I've got some hand weights, one of those stretchy bands, 4 work out videos in one DVD and if I kick the blocks out of the way plenty of room to work out. As long as I step lightly of course. Cause God knows if I stomp hard enough I could end up in the basement.
So I gave this video series a whirl. I actually enjoyed myself. Who knew working out could be fun. You start with just one mile. It took roughly 20 minutes to walk that one mile. She dumbs it down for you and you start with little things like walking in place and little kicks or side steps. Pretty easy stuff. Then the music picks up and you pick up the pace. Still easy but at least now you are starting to do some work. Then she added the weighted balls in. A good thing. It got a lot harder but not the OMG I think I am going to vomit and then kill somebody for making me feel fat and out of shape hard. I was working. I was sweating. I was mildly out of breath. My arms started to ache. Just as I was feeling like I couldn't keep up the pace anymore she switched to the cool down and then stretches. WOOT WOOT! I did the whole work out! I was proud for making it through and finally working out this year. Yeah me!
I have a cold. As I picked up the pace and my breathing picked up I started coughing. UGH! It is hard to keep moving when you are hoarking up a lung like an 80 year old smoking granny at the casino. I would have started this earlier if it wasn't for this stinking cold! UGH!
The baby was far less impressed by my work out then I was. He sat in his jumparoo, munching on a cracker and staring me like I had lost my ever loving mind. Ya maybe you should let mommy sleep more often! This is what happens when I don't sleep. I start dancing around the living room like a crazy woman!
So anyway it went well. I felt challenged with out feeling exhausted. Because if my big butt couldn't make it through the basic video I am pretty sure I would have been pissed. And probably cried a little bit. The baby really would have thought I was crazy then. I look forward to doing it again. A first for any work out I have done ... like ... ever. Now all I need is a good nights sleep. Did you hear that little man? A GOOD nights sleep ... all night ... because 4 am is not an appropriate time to eat breakfast and play with blocks!
I could go to the gym. But gym memberships cost money and what would I do with the baby? We don't even take him to a daycare so that we can work. Why would I take him to the gym's "daycare" so I can go walk on a treadmill? INSIDE!
I've got some hand weights, one of those stretchy bands, 4 work out videos in one DVD and if I kick the blocks out of the way plenty of room to work out. As long as I step lightly of course. Cause God knows if I stomp hard enough I could end up in the basement.
So I gave this video series a whirl. I actually enjoyed myself. Who knew working out could be fun. You start with just one mile. It took roughly 20 minutes to walk that one mile. She dumbs it down for you and you start with little things like walking in place and little kicks or side steps. Pretty easy stuff. Then the music picks up and you pick up the pace. Still easy but at least now you are starting to do some work. Then she added the weighted balls in. A good thing. It got a lot harder but not the OMG I think I am going to vomit and then kill somebody for making me feel fat and out of shape hard. I was working. I was sweating. I was mildly out of breath. My arms started to ache. Just as I was feeling like I couldn't keep up the pace anymore she switched to the cool down and then stretches. WOOT WOOT! I did the whole work out! I was proud for making it through and finally working out this year. Yeah me!
I have a cold. As I picked up the pace and my breathing picked up I started coughing. UGH! It is hard to keep moving when you are hoarking up a lung like an 80 year old smoking granny at the casino. I would have started this earlier if it wasn't for this stinking cold! UGH!
The baby was far less impressed by my work out then I was. He sat in his jumparoo, munching on a cracker and staring me like I had lost my ever loving mind. Ya maybe you should let mommy sleep more often! This is what happens when I don't sleep. I start dancing around the living room like a crazy woman!
So anyway it went well. I felt challenged with out feeling exhausted. Because if my big butt couldn't make it through the basic video I am pretty sure I would have been pissed. And probably cried a little bit. The baby really would have thought I was crazy then. I look forward to doing it again. A first for any work out I have done ... like ... ever. Now all I need is a good nights sleep. Did you hear that little man? A GOOD nights sleep ... all night ... because 4 am is not an appropriate time to eat breakfast and play with blocks!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
So far ... diddly
So we are now what 5 days into 2011? And I have done a whole lot of NOTHING on my road to better health and another baby. I shouldn't say that. I bought a medium Redbull the other day on my way to work instead of the the large can. HA! Baby steps are better then no steps.
Sadly I have fit no exercise in. My walking DVD is still sitting here on the side table. I have a stupid cold. I am miserable. Does coughing until my brain wants to explode count as working out? Because if it does I am golden! I am not sleeping much because I am up all night coughing. I am not getting much in for naps during the day. Either I am coughing or the baby is napping for 30 minutes tops before going into full on panic mode. Separation anxiety has set in ... lucky me. Don't get me wrong I love snuggling the baby. But he wanted to be in my arms for large amounts of time yesterday. And if I wasn't snuggling him while sitting in the middle of a pile of laundry that I only got half folded and that he was wiping his nose on then I was chasing him around. He does not crawl yet but he does creep. He pulls himself around on his belly with his arms like some kind of tiny little zombie child. (He bites with that one little tooth so be careful) It gets him around and it gets him there pretty fast. And the Christmas tree is still up. Like I said I have been sick. He decided that his big brother's Christmas ornaments and the string of lights looked like fabulous things to chew on. With out the presents there to block him it was a free for all. My tree skirt is no longer under the tree. He pulled it out, rolled around in it and left it for dead in the middle of the living room. *sigh* Why are boys so messy?
I have a guilty admission. I pulled out the box of maternity clothes and took out a pair of my stretchy pants. They are not maternity pants. The are just fat girl jeans that I bought at Walmart during my second trimester. You know that funny phase when your regular jeans are to tight but your belly by no means fits into the huge belly panels of preggo pants? Ya I am wearing those jeans. They are so comfy and stretchy. My regular jeans are getting a little tight and while feeling sick and crappy I just couldn't deal with it anymore. So I pulled out the stretchy jeans Tuesday and headed to work fully expecting to hear my coworker give me crap. When I told her I had no urge to ever go back to regular jeans after the baby was born she told me my husband would divorce me if I did not pack them away. Ya well poop on that. I am fat and sick and want to be comfy at work. Oh well!
So ... well ... ya ... I have done nothing. When I feel crappy I get into this "my give a damn is busted" feeling which tends to lead to horrible eating habits. Which would explain why my breakfast consisted of a diet caffeine free pop and Oreos. Trust me the only reason I drank that pop was because we had nothing else in the fridge to drink but milk. I hate milk. And I drank enough water yesterday to kill a horse. So I just wasn't in the mood for it this morning. Despite my love for water. That is one of my few benefits in all this. I LOVE WATER. It has to be cold and the more ice in it the happier I am. But I truly enjoy drinking water. I just like Redbull better. HA!
If I ever get rid of this cold things might start happening. I should probably at least pull out my hand weights and do a little lifting. Heck I could do that from the chair while watching Kathie Lee and Hoda every morning. Now there is a thought .... DING!
Sadly I have fit no exercise in. My walking DVD is still sitting here on the side table. I have a stupid cold. I am miserable. Does coughing until my brain wants to explode count as working out? Because if it does I am golden! I am not sleeping much because I am up all night coughing. I am not getting much in for naps during the day. Either I am coughing or the baby is napping for 30 minutes tops before going into full on panic mode. Separation anxiety has set in ... lucky me. Don't get me wrong I love snuggling the baby. But he wanted to be in my arms for large amounts of time yesterday. And if I wasn't snuggling him while sitting in the middle of a pile of laundry that I only got half folded and that he was wiping his nose on then I was chasing him around. He does not crawl yet but he does creep. He pulls himself around on his belly with his arms like some kind of tiny little zombie child. (He bites with that one little tooth so be careful) It gets him around and it gets him there pretty fast. And the Christmas tree is still up. Like I said I have been sick. He decided that his big brother's Christmas ornaments and the string of lights looked like fabulous things to chew on. With out the presents there to block him it was a free for all. My tree skirt is no longer under the tree. He pulled it out, rolled around in it and left it for dead in the middle of the living room. *sigh* Why are boys so messy?
I have a guilty admission. I pulled out the box of maternity clothes and took out a pair of my stretchy pants. They are not maternity pants. The are just fat girl jeans that I bought at Walmart during my second trimester. You know that funny phase when your regular jeans are to tight but your belly by no means fits into the huge belly panels of preggo pants? Ya I am wearing those jeans. They are so comfy and stretchy. My regular jeans are getting a little tight and while feeling sick and crappy I just couldn't deal with it anymore. So I pulled out the stretchy jeans Tuesday and headed to work fully expecting to hear my coworker give me crap. When I told her I had no urge to ever go back to regular jeans after the baby was born she told me my husband would divorce me if I did not pack them away. Ya well poop on that. I am fat and sick and want to be comfy at work. Oh well!
So ... well ... ya ... I have done nothing. When I feel crappy I get into this "my give a damn is busted" feeling which tends to lead to horrible eating habits. Which would explain why my breakfast consisted of a diet caffeine free pop and Oreos. Trust me the only reason I drank that pop was because we had nothing else in the fridge to drink but milk. I hate milk. And I drank enough water yesterday to kill a horse. So I just wasn't in the mood for it this morning. Despite my love for water. That is one of my few benefits in all this. I LOVE WATER. It has to be cold and the more ice in it the happier I am. But I truly enjoy drinking water. I just like Redbull better. HA!
If I ever get rid of this cold things might start happening. I should probably at least pull out my hand weights and do a little lifting. Heck I could do that from the chair while watching Kathie Lee and Hoda every morning. Now there is a thought .... DING!
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